Elisabeth Kubler-Ross had it right

Feb 4

Posted by ness in Family Drama, Hubby, family | 8 Comments

If you have not lost a parent then you have not sat by their bedside looking at them, just skeletons with skin. You have not experienced the godawful smell that accompanies that, that I cant get out of my nose right now.

To sit there and hear there words of denial as they try to convince themselves and you that they’re ‘fine now’ and ‘gosh, what a scare I thought I was a gonner for awhile’ and to know that THEY ARE just DAYS from the inevitable.

To sit and wonder if you should tell them they’re going to be fine or to keep quiet and then to silently obsess about the fact that your silence might speak volumes to them.

To wonder if you should cry and wail and tell them a million times over how much you love them no matter what they might have done in their lives, and as much as you may have written them off, because it might make them feel able to leave this world, and then to not do it because you realise that they don’t even know they’re that ill and doing that would make them panic about the fate that awaits them.

To sit at the fence between life and death and wish for it to just happen already so that you can go on with your life, and then to wish it away just as quickly because, well because it’s an awful thought and you shouldn’t have thought it in the first place.

To sit there and question every action in your own life knowing that one day this will be you, and are you making every second count?

If your spouse still has both parents then they are totally unable to comprehend what you are going through.

Which makes it even harder.

So when you overreact about the fact that, No, you haven’t done the dishes, and SO WHAT that when they respond with equal annoyance, that you simply have to forgive them that counter-reaction because they don’t know any better.

You know that one day when your spouses parents begin their demise that you will be the pinnacle of love and understanding because you’ve been here, and it all feels grossly unfair that you are drawing the short straw, and doing this first.

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I love Packages in the Mail

Feb 2

Posted by ness in Blogs, The Pioneer Woman, Web Stuff, food | 5 Comments

Aren’t packages in the mail like *totally* exciting!!

Even if you know what they are, they’re still super exciting to receive.

Even my 4 year old spied the package and asked me all wide-eyed, “Is that for ME mommy?” to which I responded by throwing back my head, cackling like an old hag, hugging it closer to my chest and said, “NO, it’s MINE, ALL MINE.”

Then I did a Jim Carrey (as Ace Ventura) type run to the bedroom with it so I could open it without the kids getting their hands on it.

Want to see what I got?

amazonpackage

So you can see where it was ordered from, and made it’s way all the way here to sunny SA (not so sunny yesterday I might add).

Trust the Yanks to have a super easy way to open a package. My bread knife that I’d taken with me for the purpose of hacking open the box was rendered totally useless…sometimes I’m so third world, I annoy myself.

easy tab

The 4 year old, was all like, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! What is it Mommy? Let me help you Mommy!!?? Is it from Farmer Crimsus?!?” (Note to self, do not be tempted to dispel the Father Christmas myth just yet, no matter how much the continuing talk about Christmas is annoying you right now).

packagebeingopenedMy mother, who had brought over the mail (we share a PO Box), walked into the room at this point, and said, “Honestly! Why are you taking photos of opening a box?”

So I said, “For my blog.” (She is vaguely aware of the fact that I have a website, but let’s just say she takes the word ‘technophobe’ to the extreme, she nearly had a full blown panic attack when I banned her from using Internet Explorer and installed Firefox instead. Of course the next time she opened the browser she didn’t even realise it wasn’t the same…)

So she gives a sort of dismissive snort, as if *anyone* would be interested in reading about my little parcel in the mail.  Feel free to assure me that you’re on the edge of your seats right about now okay?

I won’t keep you in suspense for ever… buwhahahahaha.

…

…

…

Sorry, the childishness, it’s a disease. 

I can see the head!

i can see the headYes, I’m drawing parallels between childbirth and opening Ree Drummonds cook book from it’s packaging.

But in all the good ways!

Because soon the inconvenience of ripping it from the box will be forgotten and soon I will be gazing into it’s many colourful pages and just enjoying it.

bookcover of the pioneer woman cooks

Aaaah, there is she is!

Now I just have to hide the book until I’m ready to unleash it’s culinary magnificence, because other wise the husband is going to expect some kind of fancy dinner tonight.

First I need to hit up the shops for some supplies, and butter.

Yes definitely more butter.

As a seasoned PW cooks recipe reader, I know that I am going to need that.

Thanks to her I already have about 6 different kinds of vinegar in my store cupboard. Basic necessities like bread and milk are like hens teeth around here, but Rice Vinegar, I have you covered!

Maybe I’ll just take a quick peek…

marlboro man

Ree wasn’t kidding when she said that this was more than a cook book. I can actually sit down with this and see a whole lot more stuff about her life and on their ranch.

Stuff that we don’t see on her website.

This is a cook book that I will put on the nightstand and read when I get into bed tonight, and enjoy the photographs, drool over the dishes and if I’m feeling at all inspired (which I know I will be) I’ll be planning some menus for the coming week.

Now I just need to find some cattle to wrangle, to work off all that butter.

Hey, if you want a copy, they’re still priced really well, and these photos are proof that they can make it through the SA Postal service unharmed! Go and get your copy of The Pioneer Woman Cooks here.

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So about functioning on 5 hours sleep. Yeah forget I said that.

Feb 1

Posted by ness in Family Drama, Health & Beauty | 5 Comments

Walking Zombie.

That is me today.

Moving my eyeballs requires far too much effort.

I think that I may need to have my thyroid levels checked because this is just not normal. I’m pretty sure it’s nothing serious like mesothelioma or anything, I’m sure it’s just trying to get by on 5 hrs of sleep, having two little noisy boys around the eldest of which DOES NOT HEAR ME WHEN I SAY DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M WORKING, and the general stresses of living.

The lack of energy saps my will power like nothing else, and it makes the energy required to maintain a level of patience with my kids that I’m struggling to find. Did that make sense to anyone? See how knackered I am? I could *really* use a solo weekend away just to clear my head, sleep, or alternate walks in the country with some horseriding, and engaging in utterly slothful pursuits involving copious amounts of roomservice, spa treatments and television.

My dad is back in hospital, this time on a chemo drip, and I’m trying to work up the ooomph to go and see him. It’s not that I don’t realise how important seeing him is, its just complicated. Seeing him saps my will to live, so in my current state going to see him would be like putting a match to a highly flammable substance and I will just evaporate on the spot. Luckily I saw him about 10 days ago, so I’m not entirely drowning in guilt.

Right, off to fetch the youngest then back to the grindstone and worst of all *housework* ick.

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Home Perks

Jan 29

Posted by ness in Random Blatherings | 6 Comments

The UK Lotto sent me a free voucher to ‘play’ for my birthday. I believe that the jackpot tomorrow night is approximately fifteen million pounds sterling (about 30 million USD).

As is always the case when something like this happens (yes I redeemed the voucher already) the husband and I like to have the fifteen million pound fantasy (heads out the gutter please) talk about what we would do with the money.

We talk about some philanthropical stuff that we would do, you know, because we *do* care, and it’s always a good thing to let the universe know that you wouldn’t be totally self-indulgent should you win it all.

Then we have the ridiculous and self-indulgent talk about that goes along the lines of, “Okay, a bunch ‘o money has just hit the account, we allow ourselves to spend “insert ridiculous-though predetermined amount of cash here” and we have to do so at the local mall…what would we buy? What would you buy?

Then invariably our talk turns to doing things like home improvements, getting a beach pool (love those!), installing central heating/air conditioning, getting an air filter the likes of which we only see in episodes of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, me stocking the fiction library or the kindle or the iPad ! The awesome all-apple  home computer network we would install, all totally wireless and amazing.

I could go on for hours, if I hadn’t inhaled two VAWTERS and was now feeling a bit like my 5 hours of sleep a night is extremely insufficient…

Go on, tell me what you would spend your “totally self-indulgent” portion of your lottery winnings on…

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Digest…

Jan 29

Posted by ness in Headcase, Random Blatherings | 1 Comment

Friday Afternoon Bullets:

(Because I’m short on time before the afternoon school run hits).

  • I am selling my piano. I can hardly believe it myself. Had it since 1983. It’s time for it to go. The boys are interested in it, but they don’t respect it. For me, it just hurts to look at it, so it must go.
  • I am still smiling from ear to ear about all the great graphic design work in my life right now. Yes please universe, I would love even more.
  • This whole phoning for home insurance quotes stuff *every* month is quite tiresome, yes, but necessary. Insurance is something we don’t need until we need it so better to have it. Plus if you phone around often enough you can usually lower your monthly cost. We’ve basically halved our costs in about 8 months by doing this.
  • I finally finished Breaking Dawn. Wow. Love it. Best book I have read in years.
  • I am getting by at night on about 5 hours sleep. Both my boys are sleeping through the night now (or at least they have been for the past week – touch wood) so the only thing keeping me up is me. I’m up till around 00h30 usually working, or god forbid having some fun on facebook/blogging/catching up on my rss reader then I sleep till around 5h30 then start all over again. As long as I have a cup of coffee in the morning, it’s going okay. If I can keep this up, I will be the most productive person ever. Heh.
  • We have applied for a new rental, but are still waiting to hear about the house. It’s walking distance from my sons school which is *perfect* fingers crossed we get it. I am *so* sick of the place we’re living in right now you  have no idea. The new house is in a secure complex as well – which frankly would feel like a huge weight off my shoulders.
  • Anyhoo, must go and fetch one of the offspring now…toodles peeps.

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