Archive for category family

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross had it right

Feb 4

Posted by ness in Family Drama, Hubby, family | 10 Comments

If you have not lost a parent then you have not sat by their bedside looking at them, just skeletons with skin. You have not experienced the godawful smell that accompanies that, that I cant get out of my nose right now.

To sit there and hear there words of denial as they try to convince themselves and you that they’re ‘fine now’ and ‘gosh, what a scare I thought I was a gonner for awhile’ and to know that THEY ARE just DAYS from the inevitable.

To sit and wonder if you should tell them they’re going to be fine or to keep quiet and then to silently obsess about the fact that your silence might speak volumes to them.

To wonder if you should cry and wail and tell them a million times over how much you love them no matter what they might have done in their lives, and as much as you may have written them off, because it might make them feel able to leave this world, and then to not do it because you realise that they don’t even know they’re that ill and doing that would make them panic about the fate that awaits them.

To sit at the fence between life and death and wish for it to just happen already so that you can go on with your life, and then to wish it away just as quickly because, well because it’s an awful thought and you shouldn’t have thought it in the first place.

To sit there and question every action in your own life knowing that one day this will be you, and are you making every second count?

If your spouse still has both parents then they are totally unable to comprehend what you are going through.

Which makes it even harder.

So when you overreact about the fact that, No, you haven’t done the dishes, and SO WHAT that when they respond with equal annoyance, that you simply have to forgive them that counter-reaction because they don’t know any better.

You know that one day when your spouses parents begin their demise that you will be the pinnacle of love and understanding because you’ve been here, and it all feels grossly unfair that you are drawing the short straw, and doing this first.

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Tags: Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Losing a Parent

Happy Me

Jan 28

Posted by ness in Activities, Graphic Design, TV Shows, The Pioneer Woman, Twitter, family, food | 4 Comments

I just had a small “Twilight Zone” moment.

I was standing in the kitchen preparing a marinade for the beef we’re having tonight for dinner, when I picked up my blackberry to read an email that just pinged in.

It was one of those ’so-and-so’ is now following you on twitter emails. The weird thing about it – or at least the ‘Twilight Zone’ moment came about because I realized that the person who was now following me (Jaden from Steamy Kitchen) was none other than the author of the book Steamy Kitchen - whose recipe I was using for the marinade. A recipe that I actually picked up via the Pioneer Woman, when she made it and published it on her blog (with Steamy Kitchen’s permission of course). For the foodies among you, I’m talking about the Beef with Broccoli. It’s insanely awesome. Jaden also has a cook book out, take a look here if you’re interested.

It just *really* struck my how much blogging, and bloggers have become a part of my life, and this has been an amazingly good thing.

I think my husband would agree that the entry of The Pioneer Woman’s recipes into his world has only been a good thing too. He’s practically swinging from the light fixture with happiness about the extension of my repetoire. His waistline does tend to argue this point, and whenever he requests that blasted fried chicken recipe, I try not to be too quick to point out that unless he’s about to go and saddle a horse and spend 8 hours either riding the range, castrating calves or being engaged in other waist reducing pursuits, then I probably shouldn’t make the chicken dish. Yet Again.

I hear a joyful clucking arise from the nearby poultry farm (or was that just my stomach?).

Anyhoo, apologies for my longer than normal absence. I’ve been engrossed (first in Eclipse ) and now currently in Breaking Dawn , and I swear if anyone puts spoilers in the comments box, I am just telling you now…I know where you blog…

Reading the book, and dealing with the amount of work that I have (forgetting for just a moment the two little male darlings of my life who currently require much fetching and taking, and tending and feeding) at the moment must be something akin to Bella’s bloodlust. Seriously. I mean hello – that freaking book calls to me while I’m busy getting on with things like work, eating, bathing, and yes I consider taking it to the loo just to get some alone time.

TV is a *thing of the past* I tell you. The ONLY TV that I am currently watching is Greys Anatomy on a Monday night at 19h30. That is IT.

Things are going so well right now work wise, I have a steady stream of work that is keeping me happily occupied (I’m definitely doing the right thing for me, I mean how many people get *excited* to sit down at the computer and work???) the only down side of course being that working keeps me from reading the rest of the book. But I’m being a good girl and getting it all done to the best of my ability. In a way I am glad that I am dragging it out just a little for myself. I usually don’t read books, so much as devour them, and since I read really quickly (Eclipse took me a little under 24 hrs – WITH all of lifes interruptions) I really am trying to enjoy every last detail of this story.

Anyway since I promised to take some photos (I didn’t take nearly as many as I should have) of the last few days food exploits I’ll leave you with a photo of Bakerella’s Fast Food Cupcakes, mine aren’t nearly as elegant perfect as hers, but dayam they are delicious! I should also point out that putting cupcakes in this format, completely threw my boys for a loop. They are both refusing to touch them…leaving all the more to the hubby and me. (This is a bad thing, but it’s also a good thing

I forgot to add – that bakerella used buttercream icing as her ‘cheese’ but I have used fondant. For those of you who are confused – this is a vanilla cupcake, with a brownie as the ‘patty’ with buttercream lettuce and tomato, and yellow fondant icing as the cheese. It’s very, very naughty.

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Tags: Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, food, Graphic Design, Steamy Kitchen, The Pioneer Woman, Twilight, Twitter

That Will Teach Me for Being Such a Big Nerd

Dec 29

Posted by ness in Activities, Blogs, Hubby, children, family | 4 Comments

I just upgraded my blogs across the board to the new WP 2.9 and for some reason it’s bollocksing up the code on one of them. I type it out painstakingly tag for tag, and then as soon as I hit save or publish, it buggers it up again. Annoyance of the highest factor.

The other thing is that at the moment, the other parental unit is on holiday. He is making it his mission to moan at me every time I so much as breathe near the computer. I am starting to wonder when ‘what I do’ is going to SINK THE F*CK INTO his brain.

I am a photographer who needs to edit photos, sell stock photos, maintain an online portfolio, research techniques.

I am a graphic designer who needs to design all sorts of stuff, sell stock images and again, maintain an online portfolio and research new ideas and techniques.

I am a blogger who maintains a network of blogs. I produce original content, learn good white hat SEO techniques, am in the process of redesigning each of these sites single-handedly (whilst learning how to along the way), any hesitancy or laziness in this regard directly begins to affect my income. Yes, I earn money blogging. But I am not yet at the stage where I can show him a hundred thousand dollar cheque and tell him to shut the hell up. Not yet. Until then, I suppose he will make it his mission to wave his paw dismissively and say ‘bah’ everytime I try to explain this. I am very, very tired of trying to explain this.

So, while he is on holiday. I am not.

I am trying, very very hard to do what I need to do, during the times when he is otherwise indisposed (mindlessly watching cricket – you don’t see me moaning at him) and while the kid are happily playing with their new sandpit, and generally good natured and entertained. But there are a few random times during the day where I am in the middle of a thought process, trying to get something done, and his constant stream of interruptions is driving me mad.

Should we go to “XYZ” wine farm today?

What do you think of this?

Why don’t you go and play with the kids instead of playing on the computer (now my work has been downgraded to ‘playing’) all the time?

Are you going to help me clean the kitchen? Did you hear me in here? (Yes I did, and I was just wondering if you were going to help me fold the laundry fugnuts!)

Ugh.

I hate being the negative person, but I feel like I am stripping very ugly wall paper off very sticky walls right now, i.e. it may well be the most frustrated feeling in the world.

Anyhoo. I think the solution may be to get up even earlier, like say, maybe, 4am, and put in a solid 3 hours before anyone else is up. Then another 3 hours from 7pm till 10. That should just about cover what I need to do.

Yeah, maybe I just solved my own problem. Or at least solve it without involving meat cleavers, and skulls.

Sure, it would be easier to go and just find a job, or do a science job search but realistically, I’d much rather do this, and have the potential to really take off.

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Tags: holidays, Housework, WAHM

New Year Survival Strategies

Dec 27

Posted by ness in Hubby, Parenting, children, family | 7 Comments

I function, so much better (in the figurative sense, not the literal sense – or this would be a post about the benefits of a fibre rich diet), without clutter.

But you see, I live with three males (who knows *how* Supermom does it with four!) who find it perfectly acceptable to ‘drop whatever they’re holding, wherever they are’. So the maintenance of my sanity is up to me, because the constant nagging, which has no discernible effect other than to annoy MYSELF, is doing *as* great a job driving me nuts, as the actually clutter itself.

My husband, is a dab hand, at tidying the kitchen. I *will* give him that. 10 minutes and any stray dishes are washed, put away, and counters wiped down to an acceptable level even Gordon Ramsay would approve of.

Socks, underwear, shorts, shirts, socks, and shoes and towels however, remain resolutely on the floor. So even when I have to display a measure of gratitude for when he gets the children ready for the bath, I am simultaneously grinding my teeth with the effort of not moaning at him, for just leaving the kids clothes, wherever he has managed to corner them and remove them at bath time.

I have tried to employ the wash basket in each bedroom technique. I have even tried using the ‘take your clothes off at the washer’ technique, and have a perfectly good ‘whites/colours-adults/colours-children’ laundry basket system set up. However in order for it to have any effect at all, I have to pick up everything and put it in the appropriate baskets myself. Everytime.

Mail. Snail mail. Every single time I am in the kitchen, I have to throw away opened envelopes, because somehow, they’re magically magnetized, rendering my husband unable to approach the garbage can less than three feet away! The filing, naturally , is simply dumped onto MY desk, completely f*cking up my zen-like CHI that I have established, since the arrival of my iMac, which meant that my desk is tidy at all times, enabling my head to expand, and fill itself with creative thoughts, and to be at one with my iMac. Making cool stuff.

One thing that my incessant nagging *did* accomplish was getting the husband to move my evILs shipping boxes into the garage so that they were no longer cluttering up the dining room, and since we moved all the toys into the braai room, things have been much better in that general area.

Do most of you find, that no matter how organised you are, you find yourselves fighting a losing battle with your nearest and dearest? Do they toe the line? If they are messy how do you deal with it? Clean it yourself, or splurge on a credit card as punishment?

I’d love to know how YOU all deal with this issue.

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Tags: Clutter, Laundry, Organisation, Organising

Life is Short, Make it Count

Dec 16

Posted by ness in Family Drama, Health & Beauty, Illness, UK, family | 5 Comments

I’ll make this brief.

My FIL is in hospital, after suffering an angina attack. As serious as that sounds, I can’t bring myself to say “angina” without having to suppress a very immature giggle.

For those of you who don’t know what “angina” is (there I go again) you can go and read this wiki, because I’m too lazy to explain it. It’s like a heart attack, only it’s not a heart attack at all, although it’s frequently mistaken for a heart attack. So much so in fact that despite the FOUR episodes that my FIL has had in the last three weeks, apparently his GP, a hospital, and a SPECIALIST cardiac unit failed to diagnose him with it even after an angiogram (there is something I’d rather *never* go through thanks), sending him home. According to my SIL he’s been very tired, but following doctors orders to rest, but not really showing any improvement since then.

Then last night just minutes after FIL has spoken to husband on the phone (during which husband assures FIL that husband is in fact on the mend after the viral incident that flattened him last week), I hear hubby’s phone ring again, followed by some stressed talking, and my curiosity gets the better of me and I stop what I was doing (yes I was at the computer why do you ask?) and make my way to the lounge where hubby had just finished speaking to his family in the UK.

Apparently what had happened is that after speaking to the husband, FIL apparently came downstairs into the lounge where MIL and SIL were, in tears from chest pain, and struggling to breathe, and in the following few minutes that elapsed he was dispatched via ambulance to the nearest hospital. MIL had called hubby to let him know what had happened, and was apparently so overcome with tears (let me assure you this is VERY unlike her, regardless of the situation) that she had to hand the phone to SIL to finish talking.

I think that it is this more than anything else that scared the hell out of hubby, and we sat up last night waiting for ‘that dreaded phone call’. Eventually around 11pm they called to say that he was stable, though still very breathless.

This seems to be his state today as well, and we wait for snippets of information as to what the course of action will be. It does seem as though they seemed to have confirmed the diagnoses now (no I am not going to say it again), so hopefully a successful treatment plan will follow.

My own dad was diagnosed with angina **snort** when I was just 7 (he was 55). Had a heart bi-pass when I was 10 (58), and he’s just beaten cancer at the grand old age of 81, so the diagnoses of FIL is not necessarily a death sentence by any means. But it was certainly a reminder that we’re only on this planet for a fixed amount of time.

Nothing like a little mortality wake-up call to help you see past the stupid little things that we seem to so easily occupy ourselves with.

So, I command you, hug your loved ones, forgive your offspring their noise levels, and make every moment count.

Thus spake Ness.